Friday, 11 August 2017

Recovery

No matter how many times I've heard it/seen it, it's taken until today for it to fully sink in.
Recovery is a journey.
It takes time.
It's not straight forward.

Much like a car journey, there are stops along the way.
Gotta fill up the tank. Grab snacks. Check the map repeatedly. Turn around because you took the wrong exit. Disagree with the route you chose to take and then change it again and again. Look around at the scenery. Notice what everyone around you is doing. Stop and ask for directions...
At times, during those stops I've kicked the car, grabbed a sleeping bag and pitched a tent at the side of the road.
In the past I have decided that I don't need the stupid car anyway and am better off living in the dirt.
So far, throughout 2017, I have been driving pretty consistently at a tentative 8mph.
There haven't been many stops this year, but when they've happened, I stock up, turn around or whatever it is that I need to do to carry on the journey.
A handful of times I have held my sleeping bag in my hand, started to walk away but have, so far, always gotten back in the car and continued driving.

I feel that I will always be in recovery.
It is something that I am going to have to work at everyday.
There are always going to be stops along the way. They show me what I need.
I am alerted to when I need to rest, when I haven't been checking in with myself, when I may need to try a different approach with something and I am learning that asking for some help is sometimes what I need.
Stops are a reminder that I am still moving. A reminder that I'm not in that little tent anymore.
I am learning so much about myself in this little car of mine. Recovering each and every day ♡😊
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