Friday, 21 July 2017

So... I Have MS...

About a month ago I was officially told that I have Multiple Sclerosis.
And even though it had been an ongoing thought in the back of my mind for around 10 months, it was still quite jarring.
- i have what?
I had had some symptoms which were leading the medical professionals that I saw to believe there was quite a high likelihood that it may be MS.
So over the last 10 months or so I have had an MRI, a Lumbar Puncture, Evoked Potentials tests and numerous blood tests xD
All of which has brought my MS specialist to the conclusion that I have Relapsing - Remitting MS.

For a few days after getting the diagnosis I was a bit knocked for six.
I was spending a lot of time in my room watching The Vampire Diaries
- this show is always there for me, especially when i'm feeling dark and twisty
And somewhere between eating copious amounts of Thornton's brownies and staring and Ian SomerSmoulder
- i mean, Somerhalder ;)
I was able to see the news in a fuller view.
This diagnosis has given me a gift.

I feel I owe it to myself to live my life.
I think that I should feel this way regardless and kinda feel a bit silly for previously not, but with this illness I want to grab life with both hands!
I have gratitude for the lessons it is already teaching me
~ Taking better care of myself: physically, mentally, emotionally
~ Learning that asking for help is a good thing and not a weakness
~ It has shown me just how strong I am - I am strong enough to deal with whatever comes my way :)

It is a big deal and I am taking it very seriously but I will not allow it to have a negative impact on my life.
In a way it feels that this has been sent to me as a way to help me heal in so many areas of my life and starting living it again.
I've kept myself down for so long, not feeling as though recovery is an option for me.
I no longer have a choice in whether or not I want to look after myself, I have to and need to.
This has shown me that this is how it has been all along, not looking after myself should never have been a choice.
It's a wonderful necessity 

I've already taken so much from this in the first month, I can only imagine what great things it is going to bring my way :)
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