Friday, 21 July 2017

So... I Have MS...

About a month ago I was officially told that I have Multiple Sclerosis.
And even though it had been an ongoing thought in the back of my mind for around 10 months, it was still quite jarring.
- i have what?
I had had some symptoms which were leading the medical professionals that I saw to believe there was quite a high likelihood that it may be MS.
So over the last 10 months or so I have had an MRI, a Lumbar Puncture, Evoked Potentials tests and numerous blood tests xD
All of which has brought my MS specialist to the conclusion that I have Relapsing - Remitting MS.

For a few days after getting the diagnosis I was a bit knocked for six.
I was spending a lot of time in my room watching The Vampire Diaries
- this show is always there for me, especially when i'm feeling dark and twisty
And somewhere between eating copious amounts of Thornton's brownies and staring and Ian SomerSmoulder
- i mean, Somerhalder ;)
I was able to see the news in a fuller view.
This diagnosis has given me a gift.

I feel I owe it to myself to live my life.
I think that I should feel this way regardless and kinda feel a bit silly for previously not, but with this illness I want to grab life with both hands!
I have gratitude for the lessons it is already teaching me
~ Taking better care of myself: physically, mentally, emotionally
~ Learning that asking for help is a good thing and not a weakness
~ It has shown me just how strong I am - I am strong enough to deal with whatever comes my way :)

It is a big deal and I am taking it very seriously but I will not allow it to have a negative impact on my life.
In a way it feels that this has been sent to me as a way to help me heal in so many areas of my life and starting living it again.
I've kept myself down for so long, not feeling as though recovery is an option for me.
I no longer have a choice in whether or not I want to look after myself, I have to and need to.
This has shown me that this is how it has been all along, not looking after myself should never have been a choice.
It's a wonderful necessity 

I've already taken so much from this in the first month, I can only imagine what great things it is going to bring my way :)
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Wednesday, 21 June 2017

My Top 5 Eye Brushes

I was laying in bed the other night trying to think of what I'd like to film/blog about next.
- I have a legit fear of creativity block
I happened to look over at my dressing table and all of my glorious brushes upon it and then I thought it would be a great idea to share with everyone what my fave brushes are.
I figured I'd start with eye brushes as they are my thang :D
It was difficult to keep it at 5 😄
I really think that it's an ideal topic for me to discuss as I've had each of these brushes (except one) for years... Yep, YEARS.
I feel showing my brushes condition after 3-5 years would be a perfect representation of the brush itself.
So enough waffling
- can't promise anything
and let's get started :)

Starting with the MAC 239 Shader brush
MAC 239 Shader Brush £21 *link*
I have five of these... Yes five!! I loved the 239 so much that I decided to pick some up so that I always had one clean :D
- logic
I have had these in my collection since 2011/2012 so they're getting on now but! are just as good as the day I bought them :)
It was definitely money well spent as they have kept their shape, no shedding and continue to apply my lid colours beautifully.
I use these to foil eyeshadows with MAC Fix+ too and I just adore them :)

Next up is a brush I recently raved about...
Available to purchase from Primark
I didn't know I needed this brush in my life until it came into my life.
I was in a state of wonder as to how I had been doing my eye makeup for so long without it in my collection!
- so naturally, I now have 3 of these
This brush only costs £1 which still almost floors me as it is so amazing.
I love the rose gold ferrel, the shape of it is perfect for crease/transition work and it's synthetic :)
Here is the *link* to my recent post  o b s e s s i n g  over this brush in particular :D

Moving on to a brush from Hakuhodo...
Hakuhodo J5522 $20 *link*
I picked up this brush at IMATS as I had heard great things about this brand and oh boy did it live up to my expectations!
I purchased a number of brushes but this one in particular makes crease/transition work and piece of cake!
- mmmm cake
It is a very very very close second to the Primark brush but trust me, it's not an easy choice which is why it is included in my top 5.
I honestly don't understand why this brand and their brushes aren't spoken about more.
As I said with the MAC 239, I have had this brush for 3-4 years and no shedding, has kept it's shape and is just a great brush! :)

My fourth brush is one from Real Techniques...
Real Techniques Starter Set £22.99 *link* (Boots)
This one came as part of the first eye set from Real Techniques and I use it for smudging out liner.
Appologies that it is 'dirty' but it just proves that 1) I use it all the time and 2) I'm lazy and haven't washed it yet
- probably more the second one ;)
I know it's an eye shader brush but for me it's just perfect for blending out liner on the upper lash line.
It makes it so quick and easy. I used to use a pencil brush but ever since trying this out I'm hooked.
Again, I've had this one for years and it's as good as it's ever been :)

Lastly, it's another brush from Hakuhodo...
- See? I told you it's a great brand ;)
Hakuhodo J5529 $17 *link*
I had to include this brush. I picked this one up from one of the IMATS I attended and have found that I use it for applying eyeshadow to the lower lash line.
I say lash line but I like to have my shadow to go really low under the eye so I find using this brush is ideal.
A while back I was using a MAC pencil brush (pictured above) which worked great for applying shadow quite close to the lower lash line but I have since starting wearing eyeshadow much lower and that's where this brush came in.
It's quite small compared to a MAC 217 but can also blend out shades beautifully. This one is years old now and just like the others, isn't showing it's age at all :D

So those are my top 5 eye brushes that I could not live without.
I feel as though by having these brushes I am set 4eva 
- I'm sure that won't stop me buying brushes in the future *eye roll* lolz

I hope you found this post interesting, here is the *link* to my video on this if you'd like to see these brushes in a moving picture :)

Thank you so much for stopping by
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Friday, 16 June 2017

The Breakup | Part Two

Some months ago I wrote about a breakup that I was going through... With myself.
Learning that I was the source of a lot of my pain, heartache and depression was a pretty tough realization to come to.
The only course of action I felt I could take was to end that toxic relationship and move forwards.

Since then that old flame of mine has been doing everything possible to worm it's way back into my life.
To be honest, I have slipped. A lot.
And then I wake up the next morning filled with regret and needing to break it off all over again.
Why would I go back to something that treats me so badly, manipulates me and causes me such unbelievable suffering?
I think going back to what was once the norm feels so comforting even when it causes you pain.

I think in real life it can be really difficult to tear yourself away from someone or something that has been in your life for a very long time, even if it isn't good for you.
This for me is no different.
This is how I have been treating myself for such a long time that it has been second nature but that doesn't mean I am allowing it to continue.

When that old part of me tries to win it's way back into my life it's getting a solid NO.
I am not going to have any more of those mornings being mad at myself for going back to the same old same old resulting in the further deterioration of my mental, emotional and physical health.
I am putting myself first. I've said it in the past and meant it but something has awoken within me which is no longer happy to settle or treat myself with such little consideration and care.
This is my fresh start and I have never felt so happy and excited 😭😊
Enjoy this post? You may like this one :

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Wednesday, 14 June 2017

Makeup Revolution and I Heart Makeup Haul

A couple of weeks ago I decided to treat myself to some Makeup Revolution and I Heart Makeup goodies :)
did I need any more palettes? no. did I need any more brushes? also, no but here we are :D

I placed an order online and picked up 4 palettes starting with one of the brand new amplified 35 palettes.
Makeup Revolution Pro HD Palette Shimmer Amplified 35 - Direction *link* £15
My heart sped up when I saw these new palettes as they reminded me of the Morphe palettes, which are a cult product.
The amplified palettes won't set you back as much in the bank which is always wonderful.
Out of the 7 palette's I was drawn to this one straight away, warm tones are my thang 👍😁
I have given a few a swatch and good grief I am impressed. Cannot wait to whack these on my eyes 😍

Over the years I have picked up every I Heart Makeup chocolate bar palette as quickly as humanly possible when they are released. However, when the Pink Fizz palette was released, the Salted Caramel palette came out around the same time and I had a very difficult choice to make.
I chose the Salted Caramel palette and vowed one day to pick up Pink Fizz...
That day has come
I Heart Makeup I ♡ Pink Fizz Palette *link* £7.99
I chose to wait for this one as it has some cooler tones in it which aren't always my go to but look how pretty ♡
I'm so happy that I picked this one up and I now have all of the chocolate bar palettes
*waits for news for brand new palette* :D

Next up was a palette that I had seen on YouTube and was drawn to for a few specific shades and also can I just say,
that rose gold packaging is e v e r y t h i n g...
Makeup Revolution Ultra 32 Eyeshadow Palette Flawless 3 Resurrection *link* £8
Can we just talk about the middle shades on the bottom row?! 
SO beautiful. I'm not one for doing my makeup to match the season we're in so although I guess these shades in particular are 'autumnal' I'll be wearing these bad boys all year round 😎
I have all the other Flawless palettes - see? I didn't need any more palettes :D - and really like them all so I feel pretty confident that this one won't disappoint :)

The last palette I got my greedy mitts on was the I Heart Makeup Unicorn Love palette.
I absolutely adore the fuzzy, glittery packaging, it definitely stands out in my collection.
I have no restraint when I see something this beautiful...
I Heart Makeup Unicorn Love Palette *link* £7.99
I mean. Seriously?! 
I really can't handle all these shadows. I honestly feel like I'm undeserving of such gloriousness 😭
The orangey/golden shades are screaming my name but surprisingly, that blue tho :O
Gorgeous <3

The last item I have in this haul is the new limited edition I Heart Makeup Unicorns Dream brush set.
These are the first brushes I have bought from I Heart Makeup (I don't own any from Makeup Revolution yet either :/) and after seeing them online perhaps you can see why I amended my lack of brushes from this brand...
I Heart Makeup Unicorns Dream Brushes *link* £20
Honestly the prettiest brushes I own.
I umm'd and ahh'd about picking these up because, you know, I don't need any more brushes but I of course caved xD
These are exclusive to Boots, you can order them online and possibly pick them up in store. You can check online for stock of your local store which is exactly what I did :D
When I picked these up I was so happy/excited/elated/best day of my life eva 🙌

So that wraps up my haul and I'm so pleased with everything I picked up :)
Here is a *LINK* to my video version of this if you'd like to see these products in action 😊

What are your recent buys from Makeup Revolution and I Heart Makeup?
Thank you for stopping by :)
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Friday, 9 June 2017

Becoming More Consistent

I have been reminiscing lately and asking myself when was the last time I felt truly happy.
Happy with everything, happy with life.
I thought back to 2014.
While throughout the year of 2014 my life seemed to kind of unravel and end on a pretty dark note, the beginning of the year was pretty phenomenal.
January to June was great.
I had been at a job that I was enjoying for about a month, getting on well with my colleagues.
My relationship was in quite a healthy place and was feeling rather fresh as I had a bit of independence since starting my new job and moving back home.
I was fitting in time to blog and make YouTube videos which felt amazing.

I'm not going to go into what happened with the relationship, the job etc. this post is about the positive place I felt I was in at that time.

I think looking back, I seemed to have it together.
One of the things that I was happiest about was the fact that I was making time for blogging and YouTubing.
I had taken an unexpected 6 month break which was then ended in the February and from that point I felt kinda unstoppable with regards to my uploads and blog posts.
I was rendering and uploading my videos overnight to be able to be working/being a girlfriend/being a sister & daughter etc./having chill time and it felt
a m a z i n g.

I wasn't particularly buying make up, mainly creating content with products I already had and talking about my mental health journey.
I think I felt like I had found my place with Nicky'sBeautyQuest.
I was happy with the effort I was making and I was in a comfortable place.

In June I created a plan for the month.
This was the first time I had ever thought about planning out my video's and posts and sticking to a schedule.
It was at this time that a lot of change came my way and I wasn't able to carry out my 'plan'.
I've looked back on it in the years that have followed and it makes me feel a little sad.
I wonder what I possibly could have achieved if I had adopted that type of system and what would Nicky'sBeautyQuest be like now?

Rather than feel sad and think negatively about it, I have decided that there's nothing stopping me from doing that now.
Right at this moment I filmed a video yesterday – and thoroughly enjoyed it!, have some posts rumbling around in my head, have tidied up my make up collection... I could go on but my point is, I'm moving forward and my blogging and Youtubing is coming with me :)

I feel like ever since starting my blog and channel I've never given it a proper 'go'.
In early 2014 I think I got a glimpse at what that could be like, I love what I saw ♡

I am currently working on myself, my life, my mental health and Nicky'sBeautyQuest is a part of me so of course that's getting some love too :)
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Monday, 22 May 2017

Primark Brush Review

When it comes to my makeup addiction – yes addiction ;) - I am ALWAYS drawn to two things.
Eyeshadow palettes and... Brushes ♡
As you can see...
So when watching a couple of YouTube video's from Samantha mentioning a Primark brush I felt the need to test it out myself.
Off I toddled to my local Primark and picked one up.
After it had been washed and dried I gave it a go and... Oh boy!
I am super impressed!!
I don't have any other brushes in my collection that are this shape and it fits perfectly in my socket providing me with
the perfect application through the crease/transition area.
The tip of the brush can be used quite precisely which I was surprised with as it isn't the smallest brush ever, but I have found
that with a steady hand and time it can be used quite easily.
I was so impressed with my first brush that I picked up two more... See? Addicted 😜
The fibres are synthetic which makes them really easy to clean and so far I haven't had any shedding :O
I really love the rose gold detailing on the ferrel, I think that it spruces it up a bit and makes it look slightly higher up the price range than it is.
Which brings me to my favourite part about this brush. The price.
It will set you back £1...!!!
Unbelievable :')
- size comparison with a MAC 217 -
I am absolutely in love with these brushes.
I love it when a product shocks me (in a good way) and this one has knocked me off my feet!
I'm constantly reaching for it. I used it for my crease/transition work in the look below and it just works perfectly.
- look created using the Morphe 35O palette -
Cannot recommend this brush enough so please do yourself a favour and pick one (or three ;P) up and enjoy! :D
I have a video up about this brush if you'd like to check it out here's the *link* 😊
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Wednesday, 17 May 2017

My Lumbar Puncture Experience

Today I am sharing my experience of having a lumbar puncture.
Please bare in mind that I am not a professional and that this post is only me sharing my thoughts and feelings on the procedure.

In January I was made aware by my neurologist that I would need to go for a lumbar puncture at some point in the next few months.
At this point in my life my only knowledge of a lumbar puncture was what I had seen on House.
You know, people wincing and crying. GREEEEEEEAT -__-

After a short-ish wait, I got my appointment through.
It was about two-three weeks before the actual day of - which was enough time for me to contact anyone to ask any questions or to re-arrange it.
In the appointment letter I received a leaflet of what to expect and what was going to happen.
I had been advised by my neurologist that I may need to travel home by car as I may need to lay down.
I sorted out my transport and decided to get a lift home from the hospital.

My appointment was for 9am *crying inside* so I was up bright and early for a shower and planned enough time for me to have something small to eat and try to chill out before having to leave.
I had to take my letter(s) along with me and I decided to take a bottle of water as I had heard that I would need to make sure I was hydrated afterwards.

I had to have other tests on the day before my lumbar puncture,
but I'll leave those out of this post as I'd like to try to be as concise as I can about the lumbar puncture itself.

Before I knew it, it was time to have the lumbar puncture.
I was shown to a bed on the ward and only had to wait a very short time for the doctor to come.
She introduced herself and then began to ask me some questions regarding any medication I was on etc.
She asked me if anyone had spoken to me about the procedure to which I said no, so she then began to discuss it with me.
The steps of what was going to happen were explained to me and I felt in really good hands.
The doctor then went to get the equipment.

I was asked to lay down on my side, she helped me to make myself comfortable and got me in the correct position for her to perform it.
Obviously I couldn't see anything that was happening so I can only talk about what I felt.
I was asked to bring my knees up towards my chest and then she lifted the back of my top.
She then wiped my back – with whatever they use, like I said, I couldn't see it  xD
The doctor had to feel where my hips are
to which I obviously responded with “good luck with that!” x'D
she said that helps her find the correct area of my back.
I could feel as she was pushing against my vertebrae, again I assume to find the correct spot.
It felt uncomfortable, it didn't hurt, just a bit uncomfy.

Once she had done this several times she then said that she was going to start injecting the local anaesthetic, some more closer to the surface and some deeper inside so that I couldn't feel the procedure being done.
It felt like the sensation of a blood test – in my back though :/ - so I felt the sharp sting and it going inside.
I know that when I have a blood test, after the needle has settled in the vein I can't really feel it anymore, well that sensation lasted a little longer because I guess the needle had a little further to go.

After a short while, (with more feeling of my hips and vertebrae) she began with the lumbar puncture.
I felt a short shooting kind of pain in my left leg.
I had been aware that this may happen by the information leaflet and the doctor had informed me of this before we started.
I let her know, she asked which leg and said that it was good as it meant we were in the right place.
After a number of times of this happening I felt the pain stronger and for longer in my leg, I told her and she said that the fluid had begun to drain.
I found myself concentrating on my breathing as a distraction.
The pain didn't last very long after that, it became more of a dull ache.
She let me know when we were half way through which was nice to know.
I was only laying there like that for a further minute or two and then she said that we were finished.
Throughout I didn't feel pain in my back, it was only in my leg that I felt discomfort.
I was surprised by this as I had imagined that lumbar puncture is in the back = my back will hurt during.

I had to stay laying like that for a little while as she checked the area, she said that I wasn't bleeding so a plaster was applied.
I then had to lie down flat on my back for 30-45 minutes as it can help to lower the chance of a headache.
I actually saw the viles with the spinal fluid in which was pretty rad :)

I could feel the slightest ache in my back but nothing too bad at all.
After about 30 minutes another doctor came to give me a blood test and said that after another 10-15 minutes I could make my way home.
It was stressed to me before I left how important it was for me to drink water and to keep hydrated.
Fortunately for me I'm pretty good with my water intake so this wasn't a huge ask.
So then we headed home :)

I had been concerned about being able to shower the following morning and the doctor told me that that wouldn't be a problem and that
as I hadn't had any bleeding I would be able to remove the dressing and have a shower
woop woop
The rest of the day my back felt tender so I didn't sit back fully in the car on the way home I just sat to the side a bit and
the same for when I got home when sat on the sofa etc.
I didn't have any headache or backache bad enough for me to have to take any paracetamol.
I drank quite a lot of water as I had been advised, so I feel that that may have contributed to the lack of headache.
When I went to bed that night I slept on my side as my back was tender but I noticed that towards the wee hours of the morning
I was able to sleep on my back quite comfortably.

I got up the next day with a similar feeling in my back, mostly noticeable when bending etc. so I kept that to a minimum... bend with your knees xD
I took off the plaster and could only see a little red dot with a small amount of redness around it, no bruising 👍
The following day I continued to stay as hydrated as I humanly could.
I had the most wonderful shower, washed and dried the area carefully and was at home in my pjs for the day so I took it nice and easy.
The days after were continued improvements with the backache
(I wouldn't call it that is it wasn't enough to take anything for it, but I cant think of a better word for it).
At the time of writing this post I am 5 days post lumbar puncture and basically feel as though I never even had it.

The experience on the whole was much easier, straight forward and much less scary than I thought it was going to be.
Every doctor and nurse I came into contact with on that day were absolutely fantastic, warm and helpful and
they truly made me feel like I was in amazing hands... and I was :)
If I knew someone who was going to be having a lumbar puncture tomorrow, I would say that in my experience, yes it wasn't the nicest thing in the world but it was nowhere near as bad as I had convinced myself it would be.

On the whole it will be something I remember forever and if I ever have to have another one,
I wont be any where near as apprehensive or scared as I was this time :)

At the time of posting this, my lumbar puncture was almost 4 weeks ago and it's as if I never had it :)
I hope that someone, somewhere finds this helpful :D
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Sunday, 23 April 2017

Off Balance

So due to my current situation, you know, having a number of tests to see if I may have MS, I am having 'strange' things happening.
At the moment I am experiencing balance issues.
I can't say that I've ever experienced anything like this before.
I'm having to look at the ground while walking. If I look around I tend to veer off.
And I have a slight feeling of un-steadiness about me.
I feel fortunate that I don't have to do much walking around in my life currently as it feels rather frustrating and
is a reminder that there may be something wrong with me.

Having this happening at the moment has also made me reflect on the feeling of being off balance internally.
I don't feel in-tune with myself.
There are things that I want to do, things I want to stop doing but don't feel enough of a connection with myself to accomplish them.

I feel as though I am mentally walking around staring at the floor so that I don't wander off too far from the path I'm currently on.
Which would be fine if that meant that I were pursuing my dreams, achieving the things I want to and cracking on with goals that I have.
But alas, that isn't my existence.
My inner self-saboteur has continually stood in my own way for as long as I can remember.
Never letting me see what I can achieve or what life has to offer.

Staring at the floor is me standing in my own way. Making sure I'm not looking around getting any ideas of bettering my situation/life.
Don't aim too high on those goals of beating OCD or else you may veer off and get lost... Or heaven forbid, be cured.
Rather than putting 100% into blogging keep watching your feet because that's too much for you to handle... Or I may possibly enjoy it.

Mentally looking down has meant that I have kept myself ill, not lived the best life I possibly can
and not to mention given me a huge mental cramp in the neck!

Now that this has been brought to my attention I cannot comprehend continuing to live this way.
Being unaware of treating myself this way is one thing but by now having the full picture, it has
given me the opportunity to change my behavior and let myself grow.

I will now look up and take in all that is around me.
Stop this self-destructive way of life that I have become so used to.
Look after myself better physically and mentally.
Become more balanced with who I am and what I want and need.

Although this train of thought started by possibly having something else going on, it has made me look closer to home.
It has helped me to see that I have to start with me.

I no longer want to be looking at my feet while the world, and my life, pass on by.
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Friday, 7 April 2017

Pinterest Picks #1

I decided that I would take a look at what I had recently pinned in my Goals board on Pinterest...
i'm addicted, it's hilarious but's not funny xD
I find that motivation slips away from me and thought that by creating a board dedicated to things I can aim for,
encouraging pictures or positive affirmations, I would have a constant source to check when in need.

So with that in mind, I thought I would share with you a few of my latest pins.
Maybe you'll find some inspiration from them too :)

As I mentioned above I struggle with motivation and something that contributes to that is a worry that I'll get it wrong or scared I'll fail.
I've always been a worrier and I am in the process of learning to try and not worry about the things I cannot change.
Worrying or being scared doesn't stop it from happening and doesn't change something that already has.
This post really spoke to me :)

Slowing down has really become something I aspire to do.
Whenever I walk anywhere, you'd think I was taking part in a sprint!!
Over the lest month I have made a conscious effort to walk slower, take in my surroundings and have been feeling much better for it.
I don't want to rush through my life, I want to savor it.

This one really resonates with me.
Ta-rust me when I say that reaching the other side of an unbelievable breakdown is the most tremendous feeling in the whole world... In my world at least.
I pinned this to remind me so that I never lose sight of that feeling :)

 And that's all for now :)
I hope you liked this post, I'm thinking of making this a series on the blog 😏
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Friday, 17 March 2017

Cheering For Myself

I seem to manage to accumulate a certain amount of motivation and then over time it slips away. As if it all gets used up.
It's extremely frustrating and upsets me.
When I am on the ball and motivated to do something (whatever that may be) I do it and I give it 1000% percent.
That's just who I am.
I can blog, clean my room, wash my brushes, catch up with my latest watch on tv and go to bed at a decent hour and it feels amazing!
I feel like I'm king of the world.
And then as quickly as it comes, it goes.
I have recently had about three weeks feeling like I have purpose and things that I want to do,
and in the recent 7 days it feels as though it has 'run out'.

I realize that my mental health plays a large part in this.
I suffer with low mood and when I feel like that, I don't feel like I can do anything.
But I also think that it is caused by me trying to do so much.
Pressuring myself to get so much done.
I don't just say to myself “I want to write a blog post” I think “I need to write three or I'm rubbish”.
Or, “I need to wash my brushes” and then if I don't do them that day I feel like a huge failure.

I'm not a cheerleader for myself, I'm my own nemesis.
I'm there sarcastically clapping when I drop my sandwich,
happens more often than you'd think! 😂
or giving myself the I knew it look when I don't achieve something I said I would.

And these are things that I am determined to work on and change.
I am so tired of being like this.
I should be the one shouting my own name and holding a banner up when I do achieve something.
I know it won't be easy but nothing that's worth it ever is, is it?

You got this girl, let's do it! 😏
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Ending a 6 year long toxic relationship, with myself.