Thursday, 25 August 2016

Reminiscing About My Make Up Collection

Over the years I have accumulated quite a collection of make up and I regret nothing xD
I have always been intrigued my cosmetics, even from a young age. I would watch my mum putting on her make up sometimes and just be like
keeping with the times with a JigglyPuff ;) *source*

It was just wondrous stuff! Whenever my mum has worn makeup, she sticks to what she likes. She has one eye shadow. Yes. ONE.
And the result is make up that is pretty and slightly understated...
And then you have me who whacks orangey eye shadows on like there's no tomorrow and has more eye shadows than there are days in the year ;)

I came across a picture from my first ever make up collection blog post and then one from a few years ago and I couldn't help but smile.
Laugh/smile you get the picture xD
I thought it would be nice for me to write a rather nostalgic post revisiting how my collection has changed over the years <3

So without further ado (and without anymore Pokemon memes) let's get started...

In the year 2011 I started finding a real passion for make up. It was like I had awoken a dormant monster.
I began buying more and more make up
So that's how I got where I am...
From 2011 to the beginning of 2012 my stash looked like this...
*pause for reaction*
These were the days before everyone was using Muji storage and also before I realized that my collection could look however I wanted.
The plastic drawers were from Tesco, as were the holders that are sitting on top of them.
I look back at this picture with fondness. This is where it all began. This was the starting pistol :')

Fast forward a number of months.
Later on in 2012 I painted the above area, invested in Muji storage, and was feeling super happy with the result.
- In this time I also SOMEHOW managed to buy a whole lot more make up and brushes. What a wonderful time :D
So this was the result of a slick of paint, new storage, fairy lights and some rearranging...
*pause for reaction*
Yeah that's right. This is the same place xD
I cannot even put into words how happy this made me
I'll try because this is a blog post obvs.
It was exactly what I wanted. Everything was well placed, easy to get to and was neat and tidy.
I had found my place in the world. This is what I was meant to be doing with my time.
I was going to share my passion with people. Who doesn't want to spend their day talking about something they love?
I wasn't even thinking of the money aspect of it. I had just had a realization that this is it.

Fast forward a couple of years to 2014.
I had moved house and needed a whole new set up.
I was more than happy to continue using my Muji storage but had no where to put it in my room :/
I logged onto Ikea and this is what happened...
I bought the Ikea Malm Dressing table. The stuff dreams are made of.
I also picked up the Alex 9 drawer unit (which you can see to the right of the picture).
I had a lot of space, more than enough for my collection and it turned what was kind of a bad situation into a better one.
I had concerns that the table wouldn't be able to hold my heavy brush storage - which I missed dearly.

So one day in 2015, I tried it...
Oh that's right! It's absolutely fine - to date :D
So. I have managed to recreate the 2012 storage that I adored so much in the year 2016.
It's been neither an easy or quick process but when something feels good it's worth the effort it takes to get it back :)

I hope you've enjoyed this post. It's been a lot of fun writing it and looking back at where it all started :)
Ooops ;D *source*
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Monday, 22 August 2016

Looking Back To Move Forwards

So far, 2016 has kinda been a big year for me.
During this year I have learnt many things about myself and out of everything I have discovered I think the following are the most important :
I want to love myself. I want to be happy again. I want to live my life to the fullest. I want to be as strong as I once was.

I think that to be happy, I must find the things that I enjoy and actually do them.
Even though I have felt so low, I have still always felt connected to makeup.

It's something that I have always enjoyed and I hope that I always will.

I have continued to think of blog post ideas, videos and have still been buying make up.

It may not seem like much but that tells me so much as it has carried on being a constant in my life despite my lack of feeling like myself.

I have such fond memories of the time that I was working on my blog and channel and I remember feeling so passionate and happy.

So what's standing in my way?

Over the last 3 years I have had a lot going on... I know, who doesn't right? But it has effected my ability to blog and make videos.

I have had mental illness' rear their ugly heads which have left me feeling weak, uninspired, lethargic and generally miserable.
In myself I have been feeling worthless, unlovable and not wanting any help. This is how I have lived each day.
In the beginning I think looking after myself/treating myself right felt like a chore.
It was unnecessary and I wasn't worthy of such kindness. 
It has now become automatic behavior. For the most part, I treat myself this way without thought or awareness.
I have treated myself like this for so long that I have lost myself completely.
Ahhh, good times :')

Living with mental illness is hard (speaking from my experience anyway) and that's sugar coating it.
But it has taken me all this time to realize :
Just because my brain doesn't always do what I want it to, doesn't mean I need to treat myself as poorly as I have been.
To deprive myself of the things that bring my joy and peace.
I can still go after my passions.
I can enjoy make up and dare I say, run a beauty and mental health blog and channel.

I loved beauty blogging and YouTubeing. I had a fire in my belly for makeup and the thought of filming and blogging made me excited to get up in the morning
- we're talking Ebenezer Scrooge on Christmas Day excited :D
I have missed it so much. I remember that all I wanted was to help people in any way I could and improve my content all of the time which I think is a great thing.

I am learning that I need to look to the future not the past in order to have a happier mind, but I think this is one thing that is worth breaking the rule for ;) 

I am currently taking my first few baby steps towards starting my life fresh.
My goal is to create a relationship with myself so strong and beautiful that I will never end up back where I was.
I am in recovery. I always will be and I need to accept for the first time that I am my priority.
Blogging and YouTube brought me such peace and a feeling of happiness that I can't wait to re-introduce it into my life :)

Sure, I've got mental illness' but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate a pretty lipstick or be captivated by an eye shadow palette ;) 
I am looking forward to getting back into blogging and YouTubeing. I feel excited and it has been a long time since I've felt this way :)
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Sunday, 14 August 2016

Here I go...

This part of my story has been a long time coming.
Kind of like when someone's got their hand on a door knob and then pause for what feels like forever before entering whatever lies behind the door.
You want to know what's there. It feels like an eternity has gone by and you still don't know what lies beyond that door.
You have your guesses, you can imagine what wondrous things may be there.

For years my hand has been resting on that handle.
Almost as though it doesn't belong to me. Like I haven't had the power to move it, to turn the handle and peek around the door or better yet, step inside.
What if I fail at whatever lies behind that door?
I have been too afraid. Have felt too weak.
Not strong enough to tackle my own thoughts, doubts and feelings of being unworthy of a better existence.

That is until now.

This is the beginning of my fresh start. That doesn't mean I'm going on a diet, changing my hair do and getting a whole new wardrobe.
No no no I mean a proper fresh start.
I want to find myself again.
Treat myself with the love, respect and acceptance that I (and everyone else) deserves.
I have stopped looking after myself to the point that I have completely lost who I am.
All of the passion and drive in my life has disappeared. I have lost all care for myself.

I want to create a relationship with myself so strong that it will never waver again.
I want to love myself. I want to be still. I want to be happy again.

I have turned the door knob.
I am looking inside...
I am in awe of what a beautiful sight I am seeing.
This can all be mine.
This can be my life.
All I need to do is let go. Step inside.
Here I go...

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